My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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