My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
