honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
