If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
