It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
