Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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