I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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