i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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