Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
