everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
