Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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