I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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