Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
