The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
