I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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