You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I haven't been this sober since birth.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
