You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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