I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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