That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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