she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
40s are totally the cure
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
