I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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