thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Even my vagina gasped.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize