I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
