you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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