So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
