I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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