Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
