i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
