If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
