dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You dont lie about slip and slides
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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