I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
why is half of my head shaved?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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