so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
