first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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