I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
