I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
