I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
