Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
