chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
