I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
