never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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