So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
no you cant smoke seaweed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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