so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
