I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
All I want is dick and wine.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
