omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
