this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
