Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
