Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
