just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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