I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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