I wish I only lived at night.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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