I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
