I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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