I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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