Me too!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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