thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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