There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
