I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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