He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
