i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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