I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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