The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
