I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
