what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
