Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
