Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
