I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
