Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
