On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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