By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
