we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
