Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
