I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
