IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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