I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
