Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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