I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
