ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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