My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
