Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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