yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
